What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Through my training in graduate school and my own life experiences, Internal Family Systems (IFS) has been a modality that resonates deeply with me. When I first read No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, I immediately felt drawn to this idea of an “inner family.” While I initially hesitated at the concept of labeling parts of myself, I found the approach profoundly compassionate and deeply aligned with how I view the human experience.
IFS, developed by Richard Schwartz, is a therapeutic model that invites us to explore the many parts or inner families of ourselves—the different thoughts, feelings, and roles we carry inside. Borrowing from Eastern philosophy and Western psychology, such as family systems therapy, IFS is rooted in the idea that we are not defined by one single identity but instead exist as a multiplicity of experiences and perspectives.
At its core, IFS is non-pathologizing. It assumes we are inherently whole and good, but through external experiences like trauma, societal pressures, and generational burdens, we may lose touch with our core essence—what IFS calls the 8 Cs: compassion, curiosity, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity, connectedness, and calm.
Sometimes we may know what is good for us and yet we still feel heavy with anxiety or burdened. What I like about IFS is that it holds the reality that we may know what is good for us and still our bodies may hold onto other truths. Often times we do not feel in sync with our body and mind because we are carrying heavy burdens from the past. IFS helps us understand that these parts are “frozen” in time, holding onto old messages or roles they took on to protect us and til this day may or may not be serving us in the same way. Some of these messages may be: I am not worthy, I am not good enough, I am too much, I will always be alone, I am bad, I can’t trust anyone.
When we feel stuck, overwhelmed, confused, or disconnected, it’s often because parts of us are holding onto polarities, or two or more extreme parts that have different roles. For example, you might feel deeply loved by your parents and also harbor feelings of anger or resentment and you aren’t sure how to show up at the family holiday party. Or you may have a part that’s driven to work really hard and another part that wants to sleep in all day and you feel overburdened by the overwhelm. Perhaps there is a part of you fantasizes to take the risk while another part of you is afraid of the unknown. At times, we become stuck and anxious when we experience these polarities.
When we begin to notice the part of us that is holding the polarities, and each part of us holding a different experience, we begin to explore the roles these parts of us have in our lives, the stories, assumptions, and we can begin to understand more about ourselves. What happens much of the time is that we learn how to negotiate with the parts of us without neglecting one or the other. We can ultimately make a choice that feels best for us and understand why we made that choice. This is self-leadership.
IFS teaches us that these complex, fluid experiences don’t have to be contradictions; they are simply different aspects of us, all with their own purpose. The beauty of IFS is that it doesn’t seek to change or eliminate these parts of us but instead helps us build a compassionate relationship with them and in turn we may find that they feel less extreme in our lives. When we get curious about even the parts we don’t like—those that feel critical, avoidant, or impulsive—we learn about their history, their burdens, and their ultimate desire to keep us safe.
Over time, this curiosity leads to healing. Our parts begin to trust us as we embody Self-leadership—a state where we feel more connected to our essence and are guided by compassion and confidence. This isn’t about forcing change but allowing our parts to shift naturally as they let go of their burdens and extreme roles while adapting or shifting into new ones. The important aspect about IFS is that it holds that we are capable of healing once we slow down, notice, accept, and begin to understand our system. Our bodies are wise and know what we need. We can take care of these needs when we are in relationship with ourselves.
For me, IFS is more than a therapeutic framework; it’s a way of being. It reminds me that we are complex, multifaceted, and capable of incredible growth and healing when we approach ourselves with curiosity and kindness.
-Imuri
