Finding the Confidence to Share Your Unique Gifts with the World
I’ve been reflecting and feeling gratitude for the many gifts people bring to the world. This came up as I was listening to two of my favorite podcasts, noticing both their similarities and the different perspectives they offer. It made me think about how true self-embodiment is powerful, and how, in itself, it is a gift to others.
Questions that come up often are: How do I even begin to feel confident enough to believe that I have something to offer? What if I don’t think I have anything to contribute? What if I am worried that they’re going to make fun of me or what if I am rejected?
Confidence and Esteem
There’s often a fantasy that having something to offer means being completely sure of ourselves, not feeling doubts about it, and always having a driving force pushing us forward. The reality is that even through doubts, insecurities, and confusion, we remind ourselves that we have gifts and are worthy of sharing them. As Esther Perel said, “Self esteem is about seeing oneself as a flawed person and still holding yourself in high regard.” Confidence in what we do isn’t about the absence of doubt; it’s about the presence of self-compassion, understanding, and integration. It is about believing in ourselves and understanding that the goal isn’t about gaining approval but feeling like we genuinely have something wonderful to share. It is about believing in ourselves while also reflecting, learning, allowing shifts to occur within us, and allowing ourselves to be influenced. How do we get to this space?
What we’ve Internalized
In therapy, we explore these doubts and questions, tracing them back to what we’ve internalized. We examine where these messages originated and how they have shaped us. A lot of this work is about understanding our internalized experience-how we relate to ourselves and the world and how these experiences affect us in the present.
When we engage in this internal exploration, when we come to understand and accept ourselves, we begin to feel more aligned. And with that alignment comes a growing confidence. When we validate our experiences, like the experience of feeling insecure or believing we have nothing to offer, and when we understand how we came to internalize these messages, we begin to see that beneath those messages, we have ourselves. And by being with ourselves in a self led state, we offer the compassion that we’ve always needed and we can hold the capacity to make judgments and critiques for ourselves in a constructive but kind way. Simply by being who we are, we have so much to offer.
Culture
I think about how some of these anxieties stem not only from the messages we receive from our caretakers and communities but also from a much larger cultural influence. In the capitalistic world we live in, there is often a push for competition—being the best, striving for perfection, and constantly achieving more. Comparison is everywhere, and it can leave us feeling insecure.
Competition can be healthy in many situations. Winning and achievement can be motivating, productive, challenging, and fun! But sometimes, competition can also hinder people from shining, especially when we apply a competitive framework to how we live our lives. Who defines what achievement is and what winning means? Often, we follow the principles of our culture without questioning where they come from. The problem with competition is that it can imply a binary: if you don’t win, you lose. But life doesn’t have to work that way, especially when it comes to defining who we are.
Redefining Success
The internalized message from our society, and even from our families, who may genuinely want the best for us, is that without proper support, when things don’t go as we once imagined, we are left feeling not good enough. Shame, punishment, or even simply being overlooked when we don’t follow the expected path of success can deepen that wound. But what if worth wasn’t about being the best? What if everyone has something unique to offer, even if it’s similar to someone else’s? What if ours is completely different and that was okay? What if we could embrace and celebrate both who we are and what others bring? What if, instead of competing, we appreciated one another and found inspiration? Sometimes it is hard, especially with this idea of success being so embedded in us. What if sharing was truly valued? That individualism AND connectedness was genuinely valued? There is so much learning and growth when we don’t fall into the binary patterns, and most importantly- freedom to discover, freedom to be.
Our Gifts
So what are our gifts? They are our embodied selves, but in other words- who you are, what you believe your strengths are. Sometimes we go into therapy wanting to fix a part of us that feels so much, that gets overwhelmed by others, that spends so much time concerned about others’ perceptions. When we learn to be with it, accept that it is there, stay curious, and explore this part of our experience, we may find compassion and recognize that the gift is our high sensitivity and attunement to energies, our empathy, our mindfulness, and our deep connection to others. Through the process of unburdening our old narratives, this part of us doesn’t go away—it transforms. It becomes something that integrates with us. We don’t need to fight it. We begin to believe on ourselves.
In an embodied experience, we trust what is best for us. We understand what we need, who we need, and where to turn when we feel lost. When we are with ourselves as we struggle, the struggle doesn’t always have to turn into suffering. When we access our self compassion, at times we feel joy and excitement, in being ourselves. Because we are a relational species, this naturally leads to sharing. When we feel connected to ourselves, we want to share. We believe we can share because we believe in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Part of this process of finding our gifts is surrounding ourselves with people who are offering their own gifts, talents, and work because what they offer often includes wisdom, encouragement, and belief in us as individuals. Whether it’s through music, art, books, fitness, the ways someone carries themselves, a location, nature, therapy, our friends, family, (and so much more!) there is so much we can learn from the world and the resonance we feel with others’ gifts could be what we need. And even if what is offered does not completely resonate with us, we can learn about ourselves.
Some questions to ask yourself as you’re cultivating inspiration and exploring your gifts:
How does this resonate with me, and why?
How is it landing internally for me?
How is it affirming me?
What can I add to this?
What in this makes me feel secure? What makes me feel insecure?
What doesn’t resonate with me, and what do I actually believe?
What is this inspiring in me? What am I fantasizing about?
What works for me?
These questions help deepen self-awareness and are invaluable for building self-esteem and confidence. Everyone has a unique way of offering their gifts to the world, and it truly lands when one is honest with themselves, trusts their gift, and, very importantly, when we are open to receiving. Depth work and the natural experience is fascinating to me as there is always evolution, change, and cycles. It’s a feedback loop, a form of communion, an ecosystem. We are all interconnected, benefiting from each other, giving and growing together. We give as we receive and receive as we give. This is true nourishment and sustainability within a community.
I believe this truth: We all have a place in the world simply by being in it. We can build confidence by tuning into ourselves and those around us. A lot of this work is about staying curious, being open to any type of discovery, leaning on others, and being with ourselves. Trusting the process means staying curious, even when doubts arise. And when they do, we continue learning, exploring, and showing up for ourselves and leaning on those who are there for us.
-Imuri
